Urge Surfing
Suppressing our emotional experience is ineffective in the long term. Research examined the effectiveness of acceptance-based emotion regulation compared to suppression using the ego depletion paradigm. They found that participants who accepted their emotions during a sad video performed better on subsequent tasks than those who suppressed their emotions. This suggests that acceptance is a more resource-efficient strategy for emotion regulation.
Acceptance-based coping involves focusing attention on the emotional experience without trying to alter or avoid it. In contrast, suppression attempts to control both the experience and expression of emotions. The study found that acceptance led to better outcomes, indicating it requires fewer regulatory resources and less self-control than suppression.
Urge surfing, like acceptance, involves observing and experiencing urges or emotions without trying to change or suppress them. This technique can be used to avoid acting on any behavior that you want to reduce or stop. Urges are part of the human experience. An urge is a feeling, and we don't have to act on all the feelings we have.
Surfing the urge reminds us that our experience with the feeling is temporary. The feeling may start small, then grow in size. We know that eventually it gets smaller and subsides as it reaches the shore—if we let it be. And letting it be is uncomfortable. Can you tolerate the discomfort?
Tolerating the discomfort is often more valuable than acting on a behavior that ultimately results in shame, guilt, and profound loneliness. Our capacity to tolerate discomfort can grow. Like most things in DBT, urge surfing is a skill. And, with skills we need practice, practice, practice, and…more practice.
We won’t always be successful surfers. And that’s also part of the human experience. Credit yourself for trying– and try again, again, and…again.
How To Practice Urge Surfing:
Describe to yourself the prompting event
Use mindfulness: Pause and start observing your thoughts and sensations mindfully and nonjudgmentally
Watch the wave: Observe the rise and peak of your urge: As your urge increases in intensity, continue to focus on your breath. Let your breath be the surfboard you ride to the shore.
Validate, validate, validate! There’s no shame in feeling what you feel so walk away from blaming yourself and move towards validation. Radically accept that you’re experiencing the moment, and look at it without judgment.
Resisting your urge
"Ugh, no social media! Stop thinking about those notifications. Come on, focus! Why can't I control myself? I can't check social media. I won't look at my phone."
Urge surfing
"I just heard my phone buzz, and I really want to check it. I'm noticing the urge to pick up my phone. Wow, this feeling is getting pretty strong. I'll just sit with this sensation for a moment. Okay, I can feel it start to fade now. The desire to check is becoming less intense."
References
Alberts, H. J., Schneider, F., & Martijn, C. (2012). Dealing efficiently with emotions: Acceptance-based coping with negative emotions requires fewer resources than suppression. Cognition & Emotion, 26(5), 863-870.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
